Four pieces to love
by gladiatorRED
Summary: AU: After meeting her college roommate older brother, Fitzgerald Grant, Olivia Pope finds her life being changed in ways she'd never imagined.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

**_August 12_****_th_****_ 1987_**

When she first opened her eyes, confusion immediately set in. Her ears were clogged, and of her surroundings, her blurry vision was only able to make out a dense orange glow off in the distance. Thick dark storm clouds hung heavy in the midnight sky. The wind howled an ear piercing, vengeful cry, and thunder shook through the trees.

An eleven-year-old Olivia Pope laid half face in a puddle of mud paralyzed with fear. Her head throbbed unbearably, making it impossible to lift the side of her face out of the mud. Her memory was hazy, but she still thought long and hard to remember the events that took place before she found herself shivering to death in a pile of mud. Nothing came to her, which only scared her more.

Her body felt fragile and broke. The pain she felt in her head only continued to grow as she attempted to move. Her legs were completely numb and lifeless. Where were her parents? What happened to her sister? Nothing made sense. Mud spilled into her mouth, and she spit the brown muck out back.

The howling wind continued to violently crash against the trees. The black sky that cloaked over Olivia enabled her to distinguish any figures besides what was exactly in front of her. A rising growl roared through the clouds soon followed by a bolt of lightening that cracked through the sky and light up the earth. The rain began to come down in thick dark sheets.

Nausea sweeps through her and her heart stopped in her chest. _Where was she? _With every bolt of lightening, Olivia darted her eyes around to see if she could recognized anything around her. A broken flashlight - an item she recognized as hers- laid a few inches to her left. To her right a shredded overnight bag. Next to the bag, a book - her book- laid torn to pieces, partly burned, but still clear enough to recognize as the book she was reading only hours before.

Things were suddenly beginning to click, and events were being replayed in her head. The last thing she could remember was being in her family car with her parents and younger sister reading a book, anything after that was washed away with the rain.

Another flash of lightening and Olivia quickly looked around to see to what else she could find. About ten feet in front of her she noticed a hand. A small brown hand covered in dirt, surrounded by twigs and broken glass. A heavy knot of tension formed deep inside of her gut and made her stomach turn. She held her breath waiting for the sky to light up again.

"Kim Kim?" Her horsed voice was barely above a whisper and her throat burn when she spoke. Spitting out another mouthful of dirt, Olivia cleared her throat as best as she could and spoke up. "Kim Kim, is that you?"

A muffled cry, barely audible slipped from the nine-year-old lips. "Libbie?" The sky was still too dark for them to see each other, but Olivia knew what direction her sister's voice was coming from.

"It's me, Kim Kim." Olivia sighed relieved. "Are you okay?" She asked, searching for any clues on her sister's condition. "I can't move, Kim." Olivia heard her sisters gruff cough, which sounded painful. "Can you come to me? I can't move my legs."

"No." Another weak whisper. Olivia could hear the pain in her voice, and could tell her sister was worse off than she was. Without a second thought, she gathered all the strength in her petite body, and made the decision to go to her sister instead.

Pain shot through her arms, and down her chest. Her ribs ached, but Olivia pushed through it. Feeling lightheaded, she kept her head only an inch or two away from the ground as she stretched her arms out in front of her and slowly drug herself towards Kim Kim.

She could feel blood streaming down her arms. Cuts were being sliced open on broken glass and bruises were forming. As she grew closer, Olivia could see the pool of blood her sister laid in. Her face was badly bruised, and eyes were half opened. Her lips were the kind of pale blue that made Olivia fear the worst.

She inhales a painful gush of air, her throat closing up as her body rejected the idea of her sister facing impending death. While Olivia thought of herself as a mature eleven, Kim Kim was an innocent nine. She was still a baby in her eyes. She was too young to die. Memories of them smiling together, playing hide and go seek in the front yard or with their Barbie dolls on the living room floor flood through her mind, and Olivia finds the strength to pull herself along, mustering up the last bit of energy her body has to reach her sister.

She was almost there when exhaustion caught up with her sooner than she expected, and she struggles to move her arms forward. "Give me your hand, Kim Kim." Olivia pleads, wincing when she extends her arm towards her. They were so close, yet so far apart. "Please, Kimmm." Olivia begged, crying for her sister to at least try to extend her arm.

Kim Kim slowly moved her fingers, enough to show Olivia that she was indeed trying. Their fingers were mere inches apart. The wind ripped around them, and they both shivered away from the cold. The rain had finally let up a bit, but the earth still roared in anger.

Olivia stretched her arm out until she was able to securely grab the tip of her Kim Kim's fingers. Her hand was icy and cold, sending shivers down Olivia's spine. She was not prepared for this. Her heart was too heavy to hold in her chest. Her world was tumbling down around her, and it all felt so surreal. Everything she loved was being washed away and all she could do was sit back hopelessly and watch.

"Listen to me, Kim Kim." Olivia said with tears in her throat. "Please hold on, okay? Someone is coming to help us, please don't let go."

"Do-n't…let- go, Lib." Kim Kim gargled as blood filled her mouth.

"No, you don't let go. You promise me you won't let go." Olivia begged. "Kim Kim-" Olivia cried harder when she did not receive an answer. Squeezing Kim's fingertips, a jolt of pain that felt like nothing she ever experience before shot through her. The pain she felt in her ribs, the throbs she felt in her head, the cuts and bruises they were nothing to the heartache she felt at the thought of losing her sister.

"Promise me, Kim, promise me you won't let go." Olivia wailed, begging her sister to fight to stay alive. To want to live, she needed her sister to hold on for just a few more minutes. Someone was coming; she could feel it in her gut. Help was on the way. "I need you. I need you to stay alive. You are all I have, Kim. Mommy and Daddy, they're both gone. You're all I have. We are all we have."

Kim Kim cracked open her eyes enough to look at her sister. Olivia saw the pain in her bloodshot eyes. Their eyes latched together, reading the others fear of their sudden reality. "I'll be all alone." She whispers hopeful that her sister would understand how much she needed her.

Kim nodded her head slightly, a small smirk on her small lips. Her fingers grew weaker in Olivia's grip, until they were numb and she felt no more pain. Her features settled, and her face looked at ease, completely peaceful as Olivia watched her come close to drawing her last breath.

The rain had let up completely. Only little droplets that dripped from the trees fell over them. Olivia felt empty and time stood still. She fought back the overwhelming rush of emotion she felt gathering inside of her. She felt guilty, begging her sister to hold on when she was clearly already gone.

Stretching her right arm from her side, Olivia clasped both her hands around Kim Kim's fingers. "It's okay." She finally whispered, her voice betraying her and cracking. "Its okay, Kim, you can let go."

"You'll- be all- alone."

Olivia shook her head, and inhaled as best as she could, ignoring the twinge of pain she felt on her side. "No I won't. I'll be fine, Kim Kim, you can let go." She assured her with a broken smile.

"I'm - sowwy-, Libbie." Kim Kim apologized closing her eyes.

"Its okay, Kim Kim. I'll be fine. We'll both be fine, okay. You can let go, and I'll be right here. I am going to hold your hand and be right here, Kim Kim. I promise to stay right here and hold your hand." Olivia voice cracked completely and she closed her mouth to muffle her cries.

Kim moved her index finger slightly, stroking Olivia's hand lightly to comfort her. Olivia tried to contain her frustration. Anxiety, confusion, pain, and hopelessness pumps through her veins.

"I love you, Kim Kim, okay? I love you forever, and don't you ever forget."

Kim Kim opened her mouth slightly to speak, but Olivia Shhh her so she instead smile gently. Her body relaxed as a serene numbness and fate took over completely.

After awhile she looked as if she were simply sleeping. Her hand, while ice cold, was beginning to burn a hole in Olivia's. The lifeless limb suddenly weighed a ton, but Olivia refused to let go. She wasn't ready to do so, neither physically or metaphorically. She turned her head away from her sister, but never let go. Repeating over and over, until it was embedded deep into her mind, until her tongue knew how to speak nothing else. Until she was sure her sister knew she would never let go.

_"It's okay, you can let go. I promise you I won't."_

* * *

_Thank you for reading :)_


	2. Demons of her past

**August 28th 1996**

The doctor watched her closely. Her small hands were wrapped tightly around the oak wood handle of the chair she sat in and she looked scared to move; scared to breathe. In the 8 years that Dr. Simone Brown had been a psychologist she had seen a variety of patients, but there was something about the reserved young woman who sat across from her that she found to be intriguing. She had caught her eye in a way no other patient had done before and while Dr. Brown couldn't say exactly what it was about her that drew her in, she had to admit she made her curious to say the least.

Taking the tip of her pen across the red line of her yellow notebook tab, Dr. Brown took interests in her demeanor as she fidgeted around in her seat. Like most of her first time patients, the doctor could sense that she was nervous about being there. From the moment she walked in her eyes never wandered up from the floor. Her body language was the first thing she noted in her tab. The slight shake of her knee, the position of her head, the tight grip she held on the chair and most importantly how quiet she was.

Clicking her pen and drawing the tip along the edge of her lips, Dr. Brown finally spoke, "Ms. Pope, you have been here for almost an hour and while I do enjoy your company I would like to feel as if I accomplished something with you today."

Olivia kept still only her mouth cracking open a smidge, enough to create a small oval shape all the while still remaining completely silent.

"Ms. Pope, are you ready to talk? We can start by allowing me to get a better understanding of who you are. Where are you from? What do you like to do in your spare time? You can begin with anything you are comfortable sharing, Ms. Pope."

"Olivia." She mumbled under her breath. Her head rose slightly and she repeated herself, "Please call me, Olivia."

"Okay, I can do that, Olivia." Dr. Brown smiled. It was small, but it was progress. "Is there any particular reason why you came to visit me today."

Olivia felt conflicted. While the doctor had a warm and concerned tone, her direct gaze made her feel uncomfortable, as if she were being judged for something she had yet to say. She wished she could just open up her mouth and speak. She knew what she wanted to say, what she came to say but the words were clogged in her throat. Doubt lingered inside of her and she wondered if she could open herself up to a complete stranger.

Her innermost personal thoughts and fears interfered with her ability to connect with others. She felt isolated and completely alone with no control over her life, but how did she relay that message to the doctor in front of her? Would she understand? Would she even care? Up until this point the fear of being judged had left her mute and she was forced to deal with her darkest demons on her own, but she couldn't handle it anymore. It was too much. There was too much weighing down on her shoulders but opening herself up and reveling the secrets of her past terrified her to her core.

She blinked and could hear_ heavy, harsh feet stomping towards her_. A_ door_ inside of her thoughts _slammed shut_ and she double blinked the old memory away. "I- uh…" Olivia trailed off, her fingers gripped the handle to the chair a bit tighter as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath._ A car flipping over flashed through her mind. She could almost feel and taste the heavy rain and dirt the memory was so clear. An ear piercing scream of a nine year old filled her ears_ and Olivia snapped her eyes back open. Wide and alarmed they were. She felt her heart rate pick up and slam against her chest. "This was a mistake" Olivia shook her head and stood up. Her hands, now sweaty and trembling grabbed her purse from the floor besides her. "I'm sorry." She added feeling dizzy- sick to her stomach almost. She had to get out of there. "I- This was a mistake."

"Olivia." Dr. Brown dropped her pen and stood along with Olivia. She looked at her carefully, hoping that she might change her mind. She could see Olivia pulling away and wanted to reach out to touch her in a comforting manner but knew better of it. Olivia did not come off as the type of patient to respond well to hands on treatment.

"No, I'm sorry." Olivia tried to smile but it never reached her eyes. She balled the ends to the long sleeves of her shirt up in her fist and placed one foot in front of the other, racing towards the door, unable to pace herself, too eager to exit out of the office.

"Olivia." Dr. Brown called and Olivia turned around to face her one last time. "You want help. For whatever it is, I can see that you want help. Your eyes tell a story that your lips can not, and I can see that you are scared and detached, but I don't know why." She stepped towards her and Olivia stepped back. "You are your own life expert, Olivia. Only you can tell your story and when you are ready my door is always open."

"I didn't mean to waste your time." She apologized again with a tight lip smile and hurried out Dr. Brown's office. She opted to take the stairs. The small confined space of the elevator would only worsen her current state. Pushing the wide doors open, she took two stairs at a time until reaching the bottom. She paused. Her arms were pulsing, a slow ache was beginning to build inside of her and she took a deep breath before pulling the long sleeve to her shirt up to reveal her bruised arm. Her skin was marked with long, cuts. Some old, some fairly new, some long, some short. She knew the design to each all to well, but still traced her fingers over each scars until she reached the elastic band tied around her wrist. She pulled the rubber band back and released it, slapping it hard against her skin. Continuing to pop the rubber band against her arm, Olivia flinched and winced at the slight pain it caused.

She released a tight breath and closed her eyes praying that it would work. It wasn't much but it was enough to calm her down for the moment. That tight feeling in her chest loosened and it felt a bit easier to breathe, easier to think. She relaxed and exhaled, her rapid heartbeat decreasing, her pulse slowly returning back to normal. Olivia rested her head back on the brick layered wall behind her and smacked the rubber band back against her skin one more time. She heard the door at the top of the stairs open and cringed at the thought of someone seeing her performing such an act. Rolling down her sleeves, she kept her head low and hurried out of the building.

The twenty minutes it took for her to arrive home was a warm, fast paced walk. The late afternoon sun was still beaming high in the clear blue D.C. sky when she reached the front gate to her home. In the walkway stood her roommate Erin along with a male Olivia didn't recognize but didn't care to stop and greet. Keeping her head down she pulled her keys from her purse.

"Hey, Liv!" Erin exclaimed. "This is my bro-"

"Hello." Olivia rushed passed them and onto the porch, barely paying either of their presence any mind. The door was slightly cracked open so she tossed her keys back inside her purse and stepped into the house. "She's weird sometimes." She heard Erin explain right before slamming the front door shut.

The small one story house she called her home was once owned by her now deceased grandfather who left it to her father in his will. After the death of her parents it was passed down to Olivia on her 18th birthday. While old, this house was about all she had so she made sure to take exceptional care of it. She kept the majority of the old furniture she inherited with the house, only throwing away what was broken or things she didn't find useful. This gave the house a 70's look and feel. Plastic on the couch, antiques in the cabinet. Erin expressed her disdain towards the décor of the house whenever she had the chance, but Olivia often ignored her. It was home and that was the only thing that matter to her.

Dragging her feet towards her room, she slowly unraveled as her long day came weighing down at her. The more she thought about it the more foolish she felt for going to see Dr. Brown today. If she couldn't fix herself what made her think someone else could? Turning a blind eye to Erin's mess in the kitchen, she continued on to her room not having the strength to care enough at the moment.

She met her Erin after she placed signs around campus broadcasting that she was looking for a roommate for the fall and spring semester. The utility bills were piling up and quite frankly she was tired of living alone. Her house was a convenient enough distance from their campus, Georgetown University. Only a fifteen minute walk. Erin was one of the first people to respond to her flyer. She was sweet and outgoing in their initial phone call- something Olivia liked. She felt that if they were going to be living together for the next year she needed it to be with someone she could peacefully coexist with. Erin was easy to live with when she didn't leave a mess around the house. She usually stayed in her room while Olivia stayed confined to her own, leaving the two little time to get to know each other.

Closing and locking her bedroom door, Olivia kicked off her shoes and stripped out of pants and sneakers. Leaving her shirt on, she unclipped her bra and threw it in the pile with the rest of her clothes. Walking over to the blinds she closed them shut and pulled back the curtains, blocking out the sunlight. Most college students would be out taking advantage of the first Friday night of the semester but Friday nights meant nothing to the mentally exhausted Olivia. Avoiding looking at the mirror, Olivia climbed into bed and cuddled her pillow. She pressed the soft cotton to her chest and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

_Thick dark trees surrounded her, hovering over like a black sheet shielding from the sunlight. Her feet sunk into the cold, wet, muddy ground as she stumbled around. Her eyes were having a hard time adjusting to the darkness and she shivered when the wind blew by. Goosebumps crawling up her bare arms. __She stretched her arms in from of her and felt around, her fingers grasping nothing but cold air. Her senses heightened when she faintly heard crying off in the distance. "Kim Kim?" She called, listening carefully for a response. _

_"Help me, Liv." Her breath got caught in her throat as her feet took off, carrying her forward. __Her eyes frantically searched around as she skipped over fallen tree branches, sticks, and rocks. __"Save me, Livvie." _

_Her face was burning with heat along with the rest of her body, but the tips of her fingers were ice cold. Olivia felt like she had been running for hours. She was experiencing shortness of breath and light dizziness. Balling up her fist and throwing her arms down in a frustrated manner, Olivia stopped in the middle of the woods unsure of what direction to go in next. Kim Kim's voice was echoing all around her and determining what direction it was coming from wasn't easy. _

_Her trembling hand wiped the sweat from around her forehead and she took wide, open mouth breaths to fill her lungs with air. Her heart pounding against her chest filled her ears and she did everything in her power to try and remain calm. Stumbling forward, she called out for her sister. Her legs were sore, her body beat and tired, but she continued to push. _

_The ground creaked behind her and Olivia turned around to see a gapping hole opening up in the earth. The ground began to crumble, the hole swallowing everything in it's path. A terrifying, numbing feeling washed over her as her stomach dropped and she ran. Fear pumped a burst of adrenaline through her veins and Olivia picked up speed. _

_The ground continued to slip away and Olivia ran faster hoping she reached Kim Kim before the hole reached her. She could still hear Kim's gut wrenching cry out in the distance. The sky opened up and rain began to plummet down to earth, the howling wind rocking through the trees. "I'm coming, Kim Kim." Olivia foot hit a rock and she tripped forward, hitting the ground with a thump and landing on a pile of thorny sticks. She laid there for a second with the sticks cutting into her side and pain pulsing in her ankle. _

_"Libbie?" Kim seemed to be an inch away and Olivia turned to see her sister a few inches away on the other side of her. The wind was now blowing at full speed and Olivia couldn't stand on her ankle so she fought hard to crawl on her hands and knees towards her. She reached her with a smile on her face. Kim Kim looked to be in perfect condition. No scratches, no bruises, she was as perfect as a baby doll. Olivia brought her hand up to touch her face just as the ground beneath Kim Kim opened wide and she disappeared into a pit of darkness. "Nooo." Olivia screamed, her hands flying out in front of her. "Give her back." But the earth had already taken her. _

Olivia jerked awake out of her sleep, shooting straight up in her bed. Her heartbeat filled her ears and she placed her hand to her chest. She could feel the muscle pounding against her hand and her eyes frantically searched around the dark room. Her shirt was drenched in sweat and she exhaled through her mouth to catch her breath. She could hear the rain outside of her window. _Great_ she thought, running her hands through her hair and pushing a few loose stands out of her face. Olivia swallowed hard and turned towards her nightstand to pick up her watch and check the time. 3:24 AM.

She had been sleep for hours but her body still felt exhausted. If life allowed her she would do nothing but sleep. Sleep meant peace, sleep meant her problems didn't exist. While she slept she could dream of the perfect life. A pain free life, which was the premise of her dream tonight until it began to rain. While many loved the rain, Olivia dreaded its existence and the bad dreams it brought along with it.

She reached underneath her pillow expecting her fingers to meet with the cold metal of a razor- forgetting she threw it away after her _accident _a few weeks ago. She exhaled, hard and long. "You're better than this Olivia." She told herself. "You're stronger than this." She continued to remind herself.

Olivia sighed again and pulled the curtain back to stare out of the window, watching as the rain came plummeting down to earth, beating against the window pane. Slouching against the wall, she exhaled deeply. Running her fingers through her hair and across her cheeks until she held her face in her hands. She attempted to block out the sound of the rain but it clogged in her ears. She heard each thump, each drop as it came showering down. Her chest tightened and she grabbed her arms, squeezing them tightly. There was no way she could sleep peacefully with it raining like this. She pulled on her hair and screamed, _"Screw it"_ and slid out of bed to head towards the kitchen.

She stepped out of her bedroom and could hear the TV still on in the living room. She'd told Erin countless times to make sure the television was off before going to bed, but for some reason she couldn't seem to get that through her head. Walking down the hall, she passed through the dinning room and walked passed the kitchen. Holding her breath for a moment, she was completely startled to walk into her living room and see a full size man snoring on her couch. Gathering herself, she groaned, assuming he was a _friend _of Erin's who she told could stay over.

His head was positioned back on the corner cushion of the couch and he had his feet on the table- something Olivia hated. He seemed to be enjoying his sleep. His legs crossed up on the table, one hand on the remote the other resting over his stomach. Walking around the mysterious man on the couch, Olivia went to click off the TV before turning around to nudge his legs. "Excuse me." He stirred a bit but made no effort to awaken. Irritated, Olivia nudged his leg a little harder until she knocked his feet off the table and he jumped up from the couch, almost bringing the plastic with him. He towered over her, his eyes red from sleep, dried up slob covering the corners of his lips.

Olivia moved out of his range and watched him slowly begin to identify his surroundings with his fist balled up, ready to defend himself if needed "Can you keep your feet off my table?" She snapped and he put his hands down.

Excuse me?" Fitz asked, taken aback by her alluring voice. It wasn't soft and sweet- the way most women spoke to him. It was full of sassiness and thick with attitude. She had an edge to her and it was different from what Fitz was use to. Most women, when giving the opportunity threw themselves all over him, but not her. She didn't seem to be interested in anything he would have to say except for why he had his feet on her table. He looked her directly in her eyes. Her hard look didn't soften but her eyes -wide and full- did. Her facial expression never broke but she couldn't control her eyes. They gave her away almost completely. Fitz saw through her tough guy façade and instead seeing a fragile heart girl.

"Who are you and why are you on my couch?" Olivia shook her head, breaking the eye contact. She stared past him, looking out the window instead. The rain was beginning to let up and she felt relief flutter though her. There was hope for her getting some sleep tonight after all. Looking back to Fitz, she avoided his eyes and waited from him to answer.

He didn't even know her and she was already giving him attitude. He didn't even know her and he was already captured by her presence. Covering a quick yawn with one hand, he extended his free hand out for Olivia to shake and she simply stared down at it. "I'm Fitz." She glared back up at him, his uncontrollable goofy smirk making her feel warm and fuzzy inside- something that threw her for a loop. Finally lifting her hand from her hip, she extended it towards him and firmly shook his hand. His skin felt soft and smooth against hers and Olivia pulled back just as the butterflies inside of her stomach were beginning to form. "You must be Olivia." The corner of her lips rose slightly almost forming a smirk, confirming her name. "You were.. uh.. in a rush earlier so we didn't get a chance to meet. I am Erin's brother."

Olivia crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking anywhere but directly at Fitz. "I didn't know Erin had a brother."

"She has four of us." Fitz grinned and placed his hands at his side. He wanted to touch her again, he fought hard against rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand when he shook it, but she had pulled away from him quicker than he'd liked.

"You learn something new everyday." She said softly. An awkward silence hovered over them and Olivia broke the silence first, asking a question. "How long are you staying here?"

"Just for tonight. I'm heading home in the morning. Erin said I could crash on the couch until then. I hope it's not a problem."

"No, definitely not a problem." Olivia felt something she never felt before in his presence and nervously turned to head towards the kitchen. "Just keep your big feet off the table." She threw over her shoulder.

Fitz stared down at his feet and wiggled his toes. She made him smile. Olivia grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water from the fridge. She gulped down the whole glass in one long sip before refilling it. This time around she took shorter sips. She wasn't sure if her nerves were still bad from her bad dream or if her sweaty, shaky palms were a result of her encounter with Fitz. Maybe it was a combination of both. Regardless, Olivia wasn't sure if she enjoyed the bag of emotions she was now juggling inside of her. He made her nervous and she had yet to figure out if it was done so in a good or bad way or how it made her feel. Filling her half empty glass of water back up to the rim she exited the kitchen and walked back to her bedroom.

Fitz reclaimed his seat on the couch, this time with his feet planted flatly on the ground and the remote in his hands flipping through the channels. "Good night, Olivia." He could hear her moving from the kitchen and back towards her room. "Good night, Fitz." He heard her respond and tried to hold back his goofy smirk, but it was impossible. She made him smile on both the inside and out.

* * *

_I am so sorry for how long it took me to update this story and I hope that you guys are still interested. _

_Thanks so much to those of you who stuck around and read. :)_


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